Monday, June 30, 2014

How to Ensure You Have a Great Time at Your Next Wedding

Each year, as the temperatures rise and the flowers start to bloom, gardens aren’t the only things that begin to fill up. You’ll notice that your refrigerator begins to accumulate wedding invitations and Save The Dates like a FIFA official collects bribes.

Dry clean that suit, shine your shoes and start browsing the Target registry, because it’s wedding season.

However, not all weddings are created equal. Sticking with the soccer analogies, some are attending a World Cup in Rio, while others are like attending the World Cup in Qatar. You can have A LOT MORE fun in Rio than in Qatar. 

So what do you do if you get stuck at a wedding where you don't know anyone or the DJ is older than half the Supreme Court justices? Or say you're at a wedding with a bunch of friends, there's an open bar and a live band, and want to spice things up a bit? 

The Answer: Work the below game into your evening. Gather some friends (or comrades if you don’t know anyone at the wedding. There’s bound to be someone else who didn’t go to college or high school with the wedding party) and compile points by meeting the below challenges. You can play as individuals or in teams. The games begin when you take your seat for the ceremony.

3 Points
  • Remove shirt at any time
  • Touch older woman/man’s behind
  • Discuss the founding fathers with a stranger/new friend/fellow patriot
  • Audibly shout over the crowd in another language
  • Convince guest to name their future child after you
  • Eat off a stranger’s plate
  • Photo bomb the wedding party (additional point if the photo is taken by the wedding photographer)
  • Give a guest a nickname that sticks (Bartender, two gin and tonics, one for me and my new friend, Big Country!)
  • Yell, “Wrap it up!” during a speech
  • Blow in a stranger’s ear
  • Pretend you’re blind
  • Defend despicable person prevalent in recent news cycle (…but Donald Sterling provided so much affordable housing to the LA community)
  • Use a fake accent all night
  • If there is a shuttle from the hotel to the venue, diver the shuttle post-wedding to a liquor store or greasy spoon
  • Text message a stranger’s parent from their phone (Mom, we’re so moved by today’s ceremony, we’re hopping on a plane to Vegas tomorrow and eloping. Don’t even try to stop us!)
  • Ask a stranger how long they think the marriage will last (So as a photographer you probably do a lot of weddings, and you can probably get a good sense of how the couple feels about each other. What about these two? How long you think they got? Five, seven years?)
2 Points
  • Dance with woman/man older than 40
  • First person, after the wedding party, in the buffet line for dinner (I couldn’t wait any longer to get my mitts on some of that prime rib. Come to Poppa!)
  • Do a shot with a stranger
  • Shout audibly above the crowd
  • Be in the middle of a dance circle
  • Enter tentative business deal with guest (With my industry knowledge and your venture capital connections, there’s no way we aren’t millionaires, sipping vodka and eating caviar at the 2018 World Cup in Russia!)
  • Purposefully mistake a guest for a celebrity
  • Lead chant or slow clap
1 Point

  • Photo bomb
  • First name basis with bartender
  • Selfie with bride and/or groom
  • Catch garder/bouquet
  • Bum a cigarette
  • Tell completely false story about yourself
  • Get sports details wrong (Yeah, Tom Duncan, just another one of those ACC one and dones who didn’t care about the “college experience”)
  • Shake head in disgust in response to a toast
  • Order two drinks for yourself
  • Be the only person on the dance floor (Why would they play music during dinner, if they didn’t want people to dance?!)
-1 Point

  • Go ten or more minutes without a drink
  • Shake hands with someone (mix in a bow, raise your glass, dap ‘em up, go in for a hug, be creative!)
  • Not participate in a group dance

When you’ve retired for the night, sum up the points and crown a winner. Also, add challenges unique to the wedding you’re attending. So your friends are getting married on a cruise? Two points for each bottle of liquor you smuggle on the ship! Have fun with it!