Revisiting the Most Tantalizing 2013-14 NBA Car Accidents: One Quarter of the Season In

After a long hiatus, it's great to be back in the BDL writing studio. At roughly the first quarter mark of the NBA season, let's take a look at my predictions for the most tantalizing "Car Accidents" of the 2013-14 NBA season. Remember, the definition for "Car Accident" here is, you shouldn't look, but you can't take your eyes off. Here we go!

1. The New York Knickerbockers: Where do we begin? This is my number one pick and I couldn't even predict this dysfunction. If it weren't for the rivaling ineptitude across the East River with the Brooklyn Nets, the Knicks' drama might never make it off the New York Post back pages. In case you've been in a cave since October, here's what's gone down for James Dolan's squad:

• Carmelo may leave via free agency. Come on Carmelo, what's not to like in New York? Only Jim Boeheim, Carmelo's college coach, could achieve less with more talent than Jason Kidd and Mike Woodson.
• Chris Smith (J.R.'s brother) has a contract with the team. The same Chris Smith that hasn't averaged double figures since his sophomore year at Manhattan (not in two years at Louisville or 1+ years in the NBADL). 
• J.R. Smith shoots a lower percentage than the fans they bring out for half court shots at half time in OKC. 
• Iman Shumpert is the one young guy they have that defends and has potential to improve, and he's been floated in trade talks with everyone. Makes you wonder if Edward Snowden is in charge of the Knicks Management's media relations. Everyone got a good laugh out of the Knicks thinking they could land Kenneth Faried or Rondo. Aim high!
• Raymond Felton may eat himself out of New York again.
• Andrea Bargnani hasn't been too bad. He even stood up to fake tough guy KG.
• Metta World Peace and Kenyon Martin had it out, allegedly. Apparently, they're both ardent supporters of their favorite pasta.

When Metta World Peace doesn't crack your starting five of crazy, then you're doing something right. Keep it up, Knicks! New blog post idea: Mt. Rushmore of Spoiled, Egotistical, Meddlesome Owners - How about James Dolan, Jim Irsay, Dan Snyder and Jerry Jones to start?

2. Michael Beasley!: Mike's recovered nicely from his self-inflicted head trauma in the preseason and has looked more like the Mike at Kansas State than Mike the Minnesota Timberwolf. Mike's Per 36 minute averages are off the charts. How about 23.2 points and 8.2 boards on .500 three point, .554 two point, and .769 free throw percentages? Free Mike!

3. Riggin' for Wiggins: Who will be the number one pick in this year's draft is a topic for another blog post, but our favorites for the most ping pong balls didn't get the memo. Phoenix, Philly and Boston have exceeded expectations, by leaps and bounds. Utah looks to be the leader in the clubhouse for the most ping pong balls. They're posturing for the Mormon Mamba, Jabari Parker!

4. Javale McGee's Increased Minutes: Javale went down in early November with a stress fracture in his tibia. Best wishes to Javale for a speedy recovery. The 'Not Top 10' hasn't been the same without him!

5. The Great Dwight Hype/Redemption Tour: The consensus is that the Rockets signed a better version of the Lakers' Dwight and maybe 75% of the Magic Dwight. If Houston cuts down any nets, it will be because James Harden decided to start playing defense and leads the team to a championship. Circle your calendars, Wednesday January 8, 2014, Lakers at Houston. Trust that it's circled on Kobe's calendar.

Good to be back on BDL. We'll check back in at the All-Star break. Until then, enjoy the insanity!

Open Letter to the New York Knicks

Dear Knickerbockers,

             

Please win a few games so people will stop pandering to your incompetence.

Sincerely,

Concerned citizen and sports fan

Admittedly, I am not a regular viewer of the NBA so I try to keep my comments off BDL but I now feel compelled to briefly reflect. I, like the majority of the American public, sleep better at night knowing that at least one professional sports franchise in New York is going down in flames. However, the frenzy surrounding the Knicks most recent skid has been obnoxiously excessive. TV, radio, the web…the Knicks are all anyone is talking about and it simply needs to stop. So, swallow your pride and cheer for the Knicks...after a victory or two we can regain some normalcy. For me, I can get back to writing about hockey. For our viewers at home, you can get back to talking to your neighbor about how if it wasn’t for the refs your favorite team would be a championship contender.

The following are a few of my favorite tweets about the #knicks from the last couple days:

Have the Knicks ever been Knicksier? #no
— ESPN The Magazine (@ESPNMag) November 21, 2013

If it helps #Knicks fans feel any better, the #Nets lost too. Lets just call St. John's the city's team http://t.co/IzEUvej9mj
— Nets Social (@NetsSocial) November 21, 2013

BREAKING: #Knicks owner James Dolan just traded Iman Shumpert to Satan.
— NOTSportsCenter NBA (@TheNBAonNOTSC) November 21, 2013

20 million into the luxury tax and we are running beno udrih out at the point. #Knicks #KnicksTape #RiseUp #ohlordie
— Goose Liebes (@GooseLiebes) November 19, 2013

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The 2013 NBA Car Accidents (You Shouldn't Look, But You Can't Take Your Eyes Off It)

When it comes to sports these days, the actual games have never mattered so little. Let's face it. Sports are the ultimate reality television show. We love reading the articles about Oklahoma State's hostess program, athletes throwing themselves ridiculous birthday parties with cakes like #2, and athlete's spending six and seven figures on fish for their home aquariums.

No sport brings bizarre athlete decision making to the forefront like the NBA. 10 guys on the court a time, no helmets to obscure one's face. Bizarre stuff is going down for all to see. Even if you know it's going to happen, you can't look away. Here's the top 5 car accidents for the 2013-14 NBA season.

1. The New York Knicks: I'm giddy at the thought of Metta World Peace sharing the court with J.R. Smith. Can you imagine Ray Felton, J.R., Carmelo, Ron-Ron and Andrea Bargnani on the court together at the same time? Points in the paint be damned! I might buy NBA TV just to see Melo post up 18 feet from the basket then skip it over to the other corner to Andrea to hoist a three. That's just the X's and O's. I won't event get into Ron being back in NYC (Queensbridge!) and JR getting on Rihanna's bad side again. 
2. Michael Beasley: Before penning this article, I thought I'd scan the major sports sites for some inspiration. It took me all of three seconds to stumble upon this gem. Is there a prop bet in Vegas on how long Beasley's on the roster? I think Pat Riley is bored or they just really want Spol to earn his money from that new deal.
3. Riggin' for Wiggins!: Who will have the most ping pong balls come Lottery time? The Sixers are in full tank mode. Kwame Brown is the second highest paid player in Philly's second unit at a cool $2.9 million. Vegas lists their over/under win total at 16.5. Just think, Philly and Boston will square off 4 times this season. Something tells me there will be plenty of good seats available. Oh, and expect Phoenix, Utah, Orlando and Charlotte to have ping pong balls as well. Maybe Michael Jordan will contract Dan Gilbert's son? 
4. Javale McGee Released from the Shackles of George Karl's System: The big man expects to up his minutes this season , which means the over/under on must-see YouTube clips for Javale this season is 3.5. I look forward to many more moments like these. 
5. The Great Dwight Hype/Redemption Tour: Dwight's already getting clowned in the Philippines. I can't wait for him to go to the Staples Center, MSG or the Boston Garden. When was the last time you heard a player say he left the Los Angeles Lakers for the Houston Rockets, because he wanted to win a championship?

Honorable Mentions: Time lapse videos of Lebron's hairline receding, Royce White driving from Philly to Milwaukee in February for a road game, Michael Jordan selling his shares in the Bobcats to play one game for them (this according to Jalen Rose), Paul Pierce clowning the Knicks from across the East River, Renaldo Balkman's eyelid tattoos returning to the league, Boogie Cousins playing in his "first" offense.