Revisiting the Most Tantalizing 2013-14 NBA Car Accidents: One Quarter of the Season In

After a long hiatus, it's great to be back in the BDL writing studio. At roughly the first quarter mark of the NBA season, let's take a look at my predictions for the most tantalizing "Car Accidents" of the 2013-14 NBA season. Remember, the definition for "Car Accident" here is, you shouldn't look, but you can't take your eyes off. Here we go!

1. The New York Knickerbockers: Where do we begin? This is my number one pick and I couldn't even predict this dysfunction. If it weren't for the rivaling ineptitude across the East River with the Brooklyn Nets, the Knicks' drama might never make it off the New York Post back pages. In case you've been in a cave since October, here's what's gone down for James Dolan's squad:

• Carmelo may leave via free agency. Come on Carmelo, what's not to like in New York? Only Jim Boeheim, Carmelo's college coach, could achieve less with more talent than Jason Kidd and Mike Woodson.
• Chris Smith (J.R.'s brother) has a contract with the team. The same Chris Smith that hasn't averaged double figures since his sophomore year at Manhattan (not in two years at Louisville or 1+ years in the NBADL). 
• J.R. Smith shoots a lower percentage than the fans they bring out for half court shots at half time in OKC. 
• Iman Shumpert is the one young guy they have that defends and has potential to improve, and he's been floated in trade talks with everyone. Makes you wonder if Edward Snowden is in charge of the Knicks Management's media relations. Everyone got a good laugh out of the Knicks thinking they could land Kenneth Faried or Rondo. Aim high!
• Raymond Felton may eat himself out of New York again.
• Andrea Bargnani hasn't been too bad. He even stood up to fake tough guy KG.
• Metta World Peace and Kenyon Martin had it out, allegedly. Apparently, they're both ardent supporters of their favorite pasta.

When Metta World Peace doesn't crack your starting five of crazy, then you're doing something right. Keep it up, Knicks! New blog post idea: Mt. Rushmore of Spoiled, Egotistical, Meddlesome Owners - How about James Dolan, Jim Irsay, Dan Snyder and Jerry Jones to start?

2. Michael Beasley!: Mike's recovered nicely from his self-inflicted head trauma in the preseason and has looked more like the Mike at Kansas State than Mike the Minnesota Timberwolf. Mike's Per 36 minute averages are off the charts. How about 23.2 points and 8.2 boards on .500 three point, .554 two point, and .769 free throw percentages? Free Mike!

3. Riggin' for Wiggins: Who will be the number one pick in this year's draft is a topic for another blog post, but our favorites for the most ping pong balls didn't get the memo. Phoenix, Philly and Boston have exceeded expectations, by leaps and bounds. Utah looks to be the leader in the clubhouse for the most ping pong balls. They're posturing for the Mormon Mamba, Jabari Parker!

4. Javale McGee's Increased Minutes: Javale went down in early November with a stress fracture in his tibia. Best wishes to Javale for a speedy recovery. The 'Not Top 10' hasn't been the same without him!

5. The Great Dwight Hype/Redemption Tour: The consensus is that the Rockets signed a better version of the Lakers' Dwight and maybe 75% of the Magic Dwight. If Houston cuts down any nets, it will be because James Harden decided to start playing defense and leads the team to a championship. Circle your calendars, Wednesday January 8, 2014, Lakers at Houston. Trust that it's circled on Kobe's calendar.

Good to be back on BDL. We'll check back in at the All-Star break. Until then, enjoy the insanity!

Open Letter to the New York Knicks

Dear Knickerbockers,

             

Please win a few games so people will stop pandering to your incompetence.

Sincerely,

Concerned citizen and sports fan

Admittedly, I am not a regular viewer of the NBA so I try to keep my comments off BDL but I now feel compelled to briefly reflect. I, like the majority of the American public, sleep better at night knowing that at least one professional sports franchise in New York is going down in flames. However, the frenzy surrounding the Knicks most recent skid has been obnoxiously excessive. TV, radio, the web…the Knicks are all anyone is talking about and it simply needs to stop. So, swallow your pride and cheer for the Knicks...after a victory or two we can regain some normalcy. For me, I can get back to writing about hockey. For our viewers at home, you can get back to talking to your neighbor about how if it wasn’t for the refs your favorite team would be a championship contender.

The following are a few of my favorite tweets about the #knicks from the last couple days:

Have the Knicks ever been Knicksier? #no
— ESPN The Magazine (@ESPNMag) November 21, 2013

If it helps #Knicks fans feel any better, the #Nets lost too. Lets just call St. John's the city's team http://t.co/IzEUvej9mj
— Nets Social (@NetsSocial) November 21, 2013

BREAKING: #Knicks owner James Dolan just traded Iman Shumpert to Satan.
— NOTSportsCenter NBA (@TheNBAonNOTSC) November 21, 2013

20 million into the luxury tax and we are running beno udrih out at the point. #Knicks #KnicksTape #RiseUp #ohlordie
— Goose Liebes (@GooseLiebes) November 19, 2013

Follow us on Twitter @balddontlie 

Chuck and Juice’s NBA OVER/UNDER SPECTACULAR!

            Approximately 1,532 reasons exist to be excited about the 2013-2014 NBA season.  We are coming off the best NBA finals in recent history, and more teams look poised to compete with the Heat for the title this year.  The bottom half of the league features just as much drama but for the opposite reason:  there are several teams who are going to be terrible.  Maybe not 2011-2012 Charlotte Bobcats terrible, but there will be some really, really bad teams.  The Suns, 76ers, Magic, Celtics and probably a few more are all trying to get a “handle on Randle,” or “put a marker on Parker.” (Note:  I do not think Wiggins will be the first overall pick).

            How can we get a feel for the entire league?  Who can we look to for the best season predictions?  Why, Vegas, of course.  What follows is the 2013-2014 NBA over/under spectacular.  We welcome Juice, as the official BDL gambling correspondent, to the blog by comparing his picks with my own.  Over/under’s are simple.  The brilliant Vegas minds have set a number of season wins they believe will draw equal action from both sides, which is to say, the same amount of people think the team could win more game, or less.  For example, the Orlando Magic’s over/under is 23 ½ games.  If you think they win 24+ you go with the over; 23 or less and you take the under.

            We’ve decided to go Eastern Conference first and will bring you the Western Conference tomorrow.  On with the show….

$$$ = Juice placed real money placed on this bet.

Philadelphia 76ers

Line:  17 ½

Chuck:  Under

Juice: Push (I think they will end up with 16, 17, 18, or 19 wins) (Editor’s note:  This is a cop out)

The Reason:  When your goal is to lose and the other team is trying to win, you often succeed.

Orlando Magic

Line:  23 ½

Chuck:  Under

Juice: Push (22-25 wins)

Chuck says:  Not sold on Oladipo’s ability to be a point guard in the NBA.  Love their young talent, but the Magic have every reason to lose this year.

Juice says:  Mixed bag, will try to tank but have great young talent which will be tough to keep off the floor (they are all still playing for their first real contract).

Charlotte Bobcats

Line:  26 ½

Chuck:  Over

Juice: Over

The Reason:  The Bobs won't try to tank.  At some point the Bobcats have to win, and with some many other teams tanking, this is their best chance. It looks like they might get 3 picks in the lottery no matter how the finish.

Boston Celtics

Line:  27 ½

Chuck:  Under

Juice: Under

The Reason:  Current Brad Stevens vs. Future Brad Stevens, I think the future wins out and he waits for the loaded draft.  Plus he has a fat contract and no one in Boston will care because the Sox just won the World Series.

Milwaukee Bucks

Line:  28 ½

Chuck:  Way Over

Juice: Over $$$

The Reason:  Have you seen the rest of the East?  This is easy money.

Toronto Raptors

Line:  35 ½

Chuck:  Over

Juice: Under

Chuck Says:  Jonas Valanciunas is the next Arvydas Sabonis.  Rudy Gay may shoot too much, but he’s a legit talent.  Plus they will feast on Boston and Philly.

Juice Says:  STAY AWAY! Raps are likely to move Gay which could do anything to their output depending on what they get back. I'm guessing they decide to tank.

Atlanta Hawks

Line:  39 ½

Chuck:  Under

Juice: Under

Juice Says: I wanted to hedge and just pick over for both ATL and WAS, but I grew a pair and decided to take a stand.

Washington Wizards

Line:  39 ½

Chuck:  Over

Juice: Over

Chuck Says:  John Wall will take the next step and Bradley Beal will prove he’s the real deal.  Plus, someone has to step up for the 7 and 8 seeds, right?

Cleveland Cavaliers

Line:  40 ½

Chuck:  Over

Juice: Under

Juice Says:  Irving is a straight boss, but the rest of the lineup gives me pause. The Cavs may possibly tank for a better pick, although they may decide to stay strong for The King in Cleveland 2.0.

Detroit Pistons

Line:  40 ½

Chuck:  Over

Juice: Under

Chuck Says:  Love the big men:  Drummond, Monroe and Josh Smith.  The better over/under is how many lay-ups get made while these guys are on the court at the same time. 

New York Knicks

Line:  49 ½

Chuck:  Under

Juice: Under

Juice Says:  I had them last year in a total wins draft for money and let’s just say I would not pick them again. I think it was smoke and mirrors last year and think the Knicks owner will be very disappointed come June.

Brooklyn Nets

Line:  52 ½

Chuck:  Over

Juice: Over

Chuck Says:  I love the moves Brooklyn made this summer.  I think Pierce and the Big Ticket still have something left in the tank.  Plus, I’ve learned to never wager against Russian billionaires. (Editor’s note:  there is some factual basis for this lesson.)

Indiana Pacers

Line:  54 ½

Chuck:  Over

Juice: Over

The Reason: We understand it is sort of cheap to publish this piece two games into the season, but have you see what Paul George is doing right now?  Take the over and run.

Chicago Bulls

Line:  56 ½

Chuck:  Under

Juice: Over $$$

Juice Says:  DR is fresh. The Bulls have 2 pedals: gas and nitrous.  I’ve already started thinking about what I’ll buy with the money they make me. 

Miami Heat

Line:  61 ½

Chuck:  Over

Juice: Over

Chuck Says:  When the best player on your team is LeBron James, it is smart to bet the over.  If Beasley and Oden can give them anything, this team should be better than last year.  Miami, like Chicago, have their eyes on the best overall record for homecourt advantage throughout the playoffs.

Uncle Drew: Coming to a Neighborhood Near You

  

On Monday, Cleveland Cavalier’s star Kyrie Irving returned for his 3^rd installment of Uncle Drew. Already having more than 500,000 views, not including third party sites, the video could be well on its way to reaching 5 million views. Those who have anxiously awaited the release of this 3^rd chapter might scoff at such a low estimate because, after all, part one had 27 million hits. I am simply projecting that some of the wonderment is waning based on part two only receiving 9 million hits. That said, with the wild popularity of the Uncle Drew videos I can’t help but wonder, how many more times can the gag be replicated? Surely, at some point, when a couple seemingly old-timers walk onto the court and commit a laughable succession of missed shots and turnovers only to start dunking and hitting 40-foot jumpers will someone finally come forward and call them out.

If Pepsi does decide the jig is up, could the spoof be replicated in other sports?

Hockey: It could be done but my suspicion is that it would be less successful than basketball.

Football: I just can’t picture it.

Baseball: Absolutely. Either fast-pitch or underhand, putting makeup on someone like Coco Crisp (5’10’’, 185lbs, 22 home runs last year) and have him come into the game and make atrocious swings at the first two pitches only to hit the 3^rd pitch into the next zip code…that would be beautiful to watch.

Golf: It’s called the Champions Tour. Also, nothing similar to dunking in golf so this spoof would be a letdown.

Soccer: Yes, but not on a regular sized field. No one wants to have the highpoint of having Uncle Thierry Henry share the field with a bunch of amateurs to be him blowing past some has-been in a 40-yard sprint.

Tennis: Yes, please. Tennis would be especially humorous because fans can get so close to the action. Close-ups of tennis fans watching Uncle John Isner transition from a feeble 40 mph serve to upwards of a 140 mph, well, I think the only person that would be more surprised is the poor sap that he’s playing against.

Skateboarding: I could watch Uncle Tony Hawk prank on punk skateboarders all day.

NASCAR: Pepsi already gave this idea the green light. However, the plot did not involve an actual car race (the video is titled, “Test Drive,” and features Jeff Gordon).

…and the list goes on. Whatever Pepsi decides, I just hope they continue to make videos. Even if the spectators are less than genuinely surprised at what they are witnessing, Uncle Drew reminds us that the game of basketball is and will always be about buckets.

The 2013 NBA Car Accidents (You Shouldn't Look, But You Can't Take Your Eyes Off It)

When it comes to sports these days, the actual games have never mattered so little. Let's face it. Sports are the ultimate reality television show. We love reading the articles about Oklahoma State's hostess program, athletes throwing themselves ridiculous birthday parties with cakes like #2, and athlete's spending six and seven figures on fish for their home aquariums.

No sport brings bizarre athlete decision making to the forefront like the NBA. 10 guys on the court a time, no helmets to obscure one's face. Bizarre stuff is going down for all to see. Even if you know it's going to happen, you can't look away. Here's the top 5 car accidents for the 2013-14 NBA season.

1. The New York Knicks: I'm giddy at the thought of Metta World Peace sharing the court with J.R. Smith. Can you imagine Ray Felton, J.R., Carmelo, Ron-Ron and Andrea Bargnani on the court together at the same time? Points in the paint be damned! I might buy NBA TV just to see Melo post up 18 feet from the basket then skip it over to the other corner to Andrea to hoist a three. That's just the X's and O's. I won't event get into Ron being back in NYC (Queensbridge!) and JR getting on Rihanna's bad side again. 
2. Michael Beasley: Before penning this article, I thought I'd scan the major sports sites for some inspiration. It took me all of three seconds to stumble upon this gem. Is there a prop bet in Vegas on how long Beasley's on the roster? I think Pat Riley is bored or they just really want Spol to earn his money from that new deal.
3. Riggin' for Wiggins!: Who will have the most ping pong balls come Lottery time? The Sixers are in full tank mode. Kwame Brown is the second highest paid player in Philly's second unit at a cool $2.9 million. Vegas lists their over/under win total at 16.5. Just think, Philly and Boston will square off 4 times this season. Something tells me there will be plenty of good seats available. Oh, and expect Phoenix, Utah, Orlando and Charlotte to have ping pong balls as well. Maybe Michael Jordan will contract Dan Gilbert's son? 
4. Javale McGee Released from the Shackles of George Karl's System: The big man expects to up his minutes this season , which means the over/under on must-see YouTube clips for Javale this season is 3.5. I look forward to many more moments like these. 
5. The Great Dwight Hype/Redemption Tour: Dwight's already getting clowned in the Philippines. I can't wait for him to go to the Staples Center, MSG or the Boston Garden. When was the last time you heard a player say he left the Los Angeles Lakers for the Houston Rockets, because he wanted to win a championship?

Honorable Mentions: Time lapse videos of Lebron's hairline receding, Royce White driving from Philly to Milwaukee in February for a road game, Michael Jordan selling his shares in the Bobcats to play one game for them (this according to Jalen Rose), Paul Pierce clowning the Knicks from across the East River, Renaldo Balkman's eyelid tattoos returning to the league, Boogie Cousins playing in his "first" offense.