Organizing the Chaos

It's great to be back and hopefully blogging better than ever. I think I speak for everyone when I say that our contributors' priorities were out of line by letting grad school get in the way of blogging. That said, on to the post.

We can all decide on one thing with regards to the NFL season thus far: expect the unexpected. Hot is cold. Up is down. The Chiefs are 3-0 and the Jets are starting a rookie quarterback and are 2-1. The Packers, Falcons, and 49ers are 1-2. Win/loss records can be misleading, so I have created the perfect method for organizing the league to bring order out of the madness. The three categories are as follows:

Worse than their record:

-       Miami Dolphins (3-0) – They gotta be.

-       New England Patriots (3-0) – I’m just mad that I drafted Tom Brady in one of my fantasy leagues. How many more hours until Gronk isn’t inactive?

-       KC Chiefs (3-0) – Their schedule is obscenely easy.

-       NY Jets (2-1) – 20 penalties? Not 20 penalty yards. Penalties.

-       Oakland Raiders (1-2) – They beat Jacksonville.

-       Tennessee Titans (2-1) – No way they continue the turnover-less play.

-       Chicago Bears (3-0) – They are good, but probably 2-1 good at this point.

-       NO Saints (3-0) – I understand that the defense is hugely improved under Rob Ryan and his mullet/mop/medieval hair. The offense is still the New Orleans Saints offense. Jimmy Graham, ya’ll. But they easily could’ve lost to the Dirty Birds in week 1 and barely beat lowly Tampa Bay week 2. Looked dominant last week, though, and could roll to a 13-3 record.

-       Cleveland Browns (1-2) – After mailing it in and dealing Trent Richardson, that win was a fluke.

-       Jacksonville Jaguars (0-3) – So I realize that they are 0-3, which is the worst possible record so far into the season. But they are just SO BAD that 0-3 cannot tell the full story of how bad they are. Only 0-16 or bringing in Tim Tebow will tell the story.

As good as their record (most 2-1 teams are in this group)

-       Denver Broncos (3-0) –The class of the NFL. And this is all without Von Miller. Peyton has won his last 14 regular season games and looks like he could play for another 5 years.

-       Seattle Seahawks (3-0) – These guys are just really freaking good on both sides of the ball.

-       Cincinnati Bengals (2-1) 

-       Indianapolis Colts (2-1) – Ahmad and Trent could be the meanest backfield in the league.

-       Dallas Cowboys (2-1) 

-       Baltimore Ravens (2-1) – I want to put them in the above group, but they won the Super Bowl last year.

-       Houston Texans (2-1)

-       Detroit Lions (2-1) – They were better than their record last year, so this feels like the true Lions we always knew existed.

-       Buffalo Bills (1-2)

-       SD Chargers (1-2) – Inconsistent mediocrity at its finest. Rivers does look much better this year, though.

-       Washington Redskins (0-3) – That defense. RG3’s knee. Shanahan.

-       TB Buccaneers (0-3) – Disclaimer: TB under Josh Freeman. Expecting big things out of Mike Glennon.

[As an NC State grad, I cannot express how excited I am that three, yes three, starting QBs in the NFL are from NC State (Philip Rivers, Russell Wilson, and Mike Glennon). Wilson spent 3 years at NCSU and 1 year at Wisconsin, and claims both schools. In case you were wondering, and I know you were, the next most is Michigan (Tom Brady, Chad Henne) and Florida State (Christian Ponder, EJ Manuel) both with two QB’s.]

-       Pittsburgh Steelers (0-3)

Better than their record

-       Carolina Panthers (1-2) – As a Panthers fan, I’m biased, but this team is just so close to breaking through. Their defense has had a less publicized Saint-like revival (pun intended) even with a banged up secondary. And can we talk about the rebirth of DeAngelo Williams and the Panthers rushing attack? ? [Another column forthcoming about the Carolina Panthers.]

-       GB Packers (1-2) – “Lost two games by less than a touchdown to two playoff teams. Blew another playoff team out of the water. Sure, they turned it over four times on Sunday, but they also took it away four times. The offensive problems will work themselves out, and if they’ve figured out the defense, watch out.” – Lucas Westmaas, lifetime Cheesehead.

-       Atlanta Falcons (1-2)

-       SF 49ers (1-2) – Hard to classify. They look bad this year and the Aldon Smith stuff doesn’t help. But they went to and almost won the Super Bowl last year, so they get the nod.

-       Philadelphia Eagles (1-2) – McCoy looks like the best RB in the league (and has the most rushing yards), so this team is better than what will be its 1-3 record since they play the Broncos next week.

-       Minnesota Vikings (0-3) – Not by much, but they at the very least decent.

I tried, and I just don’t know 

Yes, there are four categories. The madness of the season overwhelmed me. I was stargazing and failed to place every bright hole in the dark canopy of the sky into a constellation. Chaos ensued. These are the teams that I simply cannot place.

-       NY Giants (0-3) – I created this group because of this team. Are they actually as bad as we’ve seen and deserved to lose 38-0 to the Panthers? Or is their front four and Eli Manning still elite? Nobody knows but time will tell.

-       St. Louis Rams (1-2) – I don’t know enough about this team.

-       Arizona Cardinals (1-2) – See above. East coast viewership bias. I never watch this team.

That said, only one statistic matters: wins and losses.